How to Process Death and Dying: Boxing Up Our Loved Ones

Before you come for me, this is a bit tongue-in-cheek. My approach to grief, death, and dying is humor first. In addition to some humor, this article will walk you through a few ways you can process death and dying and the need to box up your loved ones. I cover our human loved ones and beloved pets. There is also a section with additional resources outside of the Legacy Recorder. My goal here is to give you the words and resources to start processing now instead of waiting for the inevitable yet unthinkable thing to happen.

How we talk about death impacts how we live.

So, if you’ve watched the video and are reading along now, you’re open to having these kinds of conversations. I firmly believe talking about what makes us uncomfortable prepares us better for whatever comes. Not only does it prepare us, but speaking openly with your loved ones prepares them as well. You may feel awkward sitting down to discuss what happens when you die. But like most things, the more you do them, the more natural they become.

• Do you use humor in the face of death?
• Do you find comfort in tears?

There is no wrong way to have these conversations; it’s only important that we have them. 

Think About It!

Here are a few things to start thinking about what you want to have happen when you need to be boxed up. Thinking about and sharing your own wishes is a great way to prompt your loved ones to share their wishes.

What do I want to happen to my remains?

With the ongoing global conversation about these matters, we have begun to explore different options. I think it’s super neat that you can be planted and become a tree or donate your body to medical science. 

Do I have a place in mind?

Some families have plots or mausoleums, or maybe you decide to be cremated and want your ashes spread where you went on family vacations. Whatever you decide, make sure to write it down and keep it somewhere it can be found.

Have I discussed this with those who will need to box me up when I’m gone?

Even if it’s difficult at first, leaving a plan behind for your loved ones is an amazing gift. Who do you need to talk with? How are you going to make sure they have the most up-to-date information?

Boxing Up Your Pets

Sometimes it seems even harder to ask these questions of ourselves about our animals than it is to ask them about ourselves. Grief exists on a spectrum. Pets are a huge part of our daily lives, so we feel their loss on that same spectrum. Having a plan in place can provide you with a sense of calm whenever the time comes. The same questions I laid out above are applicable here. You will need to determine how to process the remains, what

Resources for Talking About Death

The following are resources to help you get talking about death. Some are online and others have local chapters/meetings that can be attended, or people you can work with one-on-one when death happens.

Endwell

Endwell is a movement attempting to normalize conversations surrounding mortality by bringing people of all backgrounds together to share their beliefs and experiences.

Death Cafes

A death cafe is not a specific place, but an event. Death Cafes are a casual get together where people gather to discuss their thoughts and feelings about death. Originating in England, Death Cafes have made their way across the continents. People crave connection and especially do so during grief. Death cafes give those grieving a safe, communal space to gather and explore their thoughts and feelings.

End-of-Life Doulas

A doula is kind of like a support team to have in your corner when you’re going through a big life event. Most of us are familiar with or know someone who has used a doula for the birth of a child. End of life doulas guide and support loved ones and their families through a deeply personal time. End of Life doulas can help give the dying comfort, coordinate care, assist in planning services, and organize vigils.

-Gael